Overcoming Heartbreak Like a Boss Bitch
A year and a half into our marriage, I found out my husband had been having an affair with a nineteen-year-old for six months. I filed for divorce and left.
Two weeks later I met a man, and we fell madly in love. It was a fairy-tale romance for a month and a half, and he convinced me to join him on a romantic month-long vacation in Italy. Forty-eight hours before we were supposed to get on a plane, he told me he needed to go by himself. I was devastated. So, I had a decision to make. Either stay home and be heartbroken, or go travel Europe for a month by myself. And staying at home heartbroken? F%*k. That.
What does a woman do when her life has fallen apart and her heart has been ripped out and stepped on twice in two months? She goes on a wild adventure, makes some bad decisions, and does a sh*t load of soul searching. But most importantly? She finds out how to love…herself.
This is so not Eat, Pray, Love.
This is Eat, Pray, #FML.
Boy, have I experienced heartbreak... Although this is a subject I have tried to stay away from (my dismissive nature does not cope with addressing the darker chapters) - I couldn’t pass the opportunity to have an absolute LEGEND come share her story. Gabrielle Stone really took the bull by the horns in her heartfelt new book: ‘Eat, Pray, #FML.’ She is the proof that no matter how destructive, disappointing, discouraging and damaging heartbreak can be, coming out on top is always an option. If you think you’ve reached rock bottom, this book will inspire you, and make you realise no matter how hurtful a situation can get, you are not alone…
Lucky me (and you), I got to chat with Gabrielle about her book, but also, her tips & tricks for rebuilding from scratch after emotional trauma. A ton of value for you all to enjoy!
Can you give us a little overview of the book and what it’s a must read?
GS: ‘Eat, Pray, #FML’ is about my life exploding in 2017. I was married for almost 2 years when I found out my husband was having an affair with a 19-year-old for six months. I filed for divorce, and left. Shortly after I met a man and we fell madly in love with each other. It was a whirlwind romance and he convinced me to join him on a month-long trip to Italy. Forty-eight hours before we are getting on a plane, he told me he needed to go by himself. I was absolutely devastated, but I had a decision to make— either stay at home and be heartbroken or go travel Europe for a month by myself. And staying at home heartbroken? F*%k that. So I went, with no plans and a backpack and did seven countries over the span of one month by myself. And then I wrote a book about it.
I think the reason people are connecting with it so much is because you really feel like you’re reading a Netflix show. It’s shocking, truthful, wildly entertaining, and real. I didn’t embellish anything (believe me my life has enough drama without that) and I don’t hold anything back.
As an actress, what made you want to write a book? Are the two related?
GS: I mean, the book really happened to me. When I found out I was going to be taking this trip on my own I decided then and there I was going to write a book about the whole experience. After the cheating, divorce, the new love, and the horrible heartbreak, it was too much of a crazy story to NOT write about. I wrote the majority of it on my trip in a leather bound journal I brought with me. I started at my first day in London and wrote about 3/4 of it during my Europe trip. I don’t think the two are related necessarily but coming from the entertainment industry as an actress the book definitely reads similar to a TV show.
So many people write books about ways to love yourself and it’s getting a little overwhelming... HOW DID YOU DO IT? And what is your secret?
GS: I didn’t necessarily set out to write a book about ways to love yourself. Everyone is always saying loving yourself is the most important thing you can do and I was sitting there going “OK I’m ready to do that how the hell do I do it?” And no one could give me a clear way to put it into practice. It was something that I was searching to learn with in myself and luckily I ended up finding out how to do it. That’s why it’s included in the book and it truly changed my life… So I’m hoping that people can learn from my experiences to implement it into their lives as well.
3 tips that have personally helped you deal with trauma?
GS: The first would be what I call in the book ‘The Thought Onion.’ It’s a way to look at the thoughts and reactions you’re having and dig deeper into finding what causes them and what is at the root of the issue.
You think of it like an onion, the outer layer is the superficial thought, which is the initial thought you have. Underneath that is the authentic thought, which is the reaction behind that initial thought or the reason we are having it. And the final layer is the subconscious thought which is the trigger that is driving at all or the deep subconscious belief that you need to address and heal.
Always keep your heart open. Even after a brutal divorce or a devastating heartbreak, it will never serve you to shut your heart off and put walls up.
Love yourself. It’s the typical answer but it really is it what will heal you and change your life. In the book I call it the self-love cocktail. And I now have one every single day.
Based off of your story, what are your thoughts about finding another person soon after a breakup and/or rebounds?
GS: I think every situation in person is different. For me, a lot of people looked at my next relationship as a rebound. In ways I wish it would’ve been that because it would’ve been a lot easier to get over after it all crumbled. But if I wouldn't have jumped into that relationship I wouldn’t have know what love is supposed to feel like. Or what having a broken heart can teach you. I wouldn’t have gone on a life changing trip, and I wouldn’t have had this incredible book to share with the world.
What are some phases of the process of a breakup/trauma that are the hardest to overcome? What steps did you take to overcome them?
GS: I think it’s a lot like the stages of grief to be honest. That’s definitely how I experienced the different phases. Denial—there’s no way this can be happening after how amazing and in love we just were. Anger—how could he do this to me, why is this happening and what did I do to deserve this. Bargaining—maybe something will change and he’ll have a change of heart. Or maybe I can still have some piece of him in some way if I hold on. Depression—unfortunately super real and self-explanatory. And finally acceptance—when you see all the lessons you learned, how you’re better for it, and you can finally let go and be at peace with it all.
Can you share 3 tangible things that make your everyday life that much better?
GS: Meditating (which is part of MY self-love cocktail). I love Abraham Hicks guided meditations. They’re 15 minutes on YouTube.
I love salsa dancing. It makes my heart so happy so I try and go once a week. Any kind of dancing will help you let go and feel better.
Get some type of workout in. When you feel good physically it always helps you feel good mentally.
An influencer that inspires you?
GS: I definitely don’t consider myself an influencer. That word has become so...misused in the social media world in my opinion. What inspires me is when people can show up as their authentic selves and speak about true things that matter in an honest way. We don’t have enough of that online today and I try and bring as much of that to my social media as possible.